BITTER.SWEET

Kinda down in the dumps today….the sadness is taking over…. You know the line “my smile is my make up” (I wear since my break up with you…)……that pretty much describes me lately. I’m not the type of person to announce things if I am upset over something. Of course I announce it loud and clear to Steve but not to anyone else really. Unless I really need to. I don’t like dragging people into my problems and I don’t like people feeling bad for me. For the most part ill tell you if you ask, but I def try not to announce it or show it in my face that something is bringing me down-especially at work. But lately…things have been a bit rough- I feel like I'm starting to crack. The past few months actually…for many reasons…. Some I just can’t share with you…maybe one day. Things from the past still haunt me, things from recent have consumed me….things in the future make me nervous & scared….i still miss home, my family & my friends….my crew…my comfort zone. I don’t think that will ever change. I think that’s pretty normal for anyone if they move away from a place that they grew up in and never thought they’d leave. Yah I’m an emotional person but I don’t think I blow things out of proportion, I react certain ways only if it is needed. The times I do react, it is definitely needed. I get my feelings hurt easily at times, maybe it's my fault, maybe it's not. I have insecurities, that's who I am-can't help it. I like the small things...random notes, how’s your day, I love you’s, sunflowers, thinking of you's, hugs, kisses, high fives, good jobs & its gonna be ok…..mean a lot to me. Those small things make my day, week, month and year a whole lot better. I am thankful that the small things are what matters the most to me. Steve’s a lucky man, don’t you think? I do…. I’m going home this weekend for a friend’s bridal shower. I will be tending to my bridesmaid duties on Saturday. Should be a nice time, I will be back in my comfort zone, I will definitely enjoy that… the rest of the time ill probably be hanging with my family. I’m looking forward to seeing them & talking with them…really talking with them. Usually when I go home I have so much going on, this time around it will be different. In many ways really. I wish Steve could come with me. I know ill need him…..I'll surely miss him. Even though I know a few days away here and there is healthy, the timing is just bad. Ill see him on Sunday though & he’s only a phone call away, ill be OK….when I get back, I just want to crawl in bed with him & cuddle. That would make me really happy-reassurance from him about anything always makes me feel better. I guess that’s all I have for this raw post. It’s all meshed, I know. You might get me, you might not. Just felt like throwing my thoughts out there. Babe, if you are reading this I love you very much. I could say this over & over & never get tired of it....Annnd, that’s all I have.

PS: Boo got out of the house the other night, I had to go searching for him through trees & bushes. I think I might have a tiny bit of poison ivy on my pinky finger. I couldn’t stop scratching it as I was typing. Awesome.